Depression

  Annette // 19 // south fl // @snapesgal    

they were used to numb,
like novocaine at the dentist.
because when we were younger,
we were taught to distract pain by
creating more pain.
the habit is deemed childish from
the mouths of adults who will never understand.
forcing me to move to the habit of
burning my lips on cigarettes
and dreaming of becoming so drunk that
i forget how much i hate myself.
realizing how much i hate myself.
moving to needles and lines,
because cutting and smoking
didn’t do it’s job.
becoming more and more consumed
by the depression,
as if I'm drowning in water and no one
is brave enough to save me.
i’m not brave enough to save me.
day after day my mother tells me
if i “just pray to god” then i will be
saved,
my depression will be gone
because the light of god is too powerful
for darkness to handle.

but would he really save me,
if he knew how much i hate me.

a.t